One of the reasons we call liberals the alt-left is their opposition to anything traditional or normal — like free speech, patriotism or marriage.

Marriage has been a particular target of the left for many years. Forget the campaign for gay marriage. The left hates the institution, but it’s easier to wreck it from within than without. As The Establishment puts it, “marriage sits at the red-hot heart of our, ahem, white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy.”

Stop laughing. They actually believe this garbage. Katie Tandy, the co-founding editor (or is that confounding editor?), delivered this unique take on weddings: “What Does Marriage Mean When You’re Gender-Fluid (And Loathe The Patriarchy)?” Apparently, that it means you need serious help was not one of the multiple choice answers.

I feel like this column needs a soundtrack to fit in with the ridiculous text and subtext. Cue Frank Sinatra singing Love and Marriage, which TV fans will recognize as the theme for Married With Children. Or, perhaps, Modern Love by David Bowie.

Now, if you are in the proper mood, let’s hear Ms./Mx. Tandy’s view of wedding day: “Weddings are, in short, a painful reminder of the sanctioned discrimination that runs rampant in our country, tangling gender, class, identity, and sexuality in a morass of white lace and marzipan flowers.”

Or, the shortened version, she says, “the oppressive shadow of Marriage looms large.” And that brings us to The Establishment’s take on a brand-new movie you are probably dying to see. “Which is why I was genuinely thrilled to learn about D.I.Y.—a film about a gender-fluid couple deftly wrestling with their pending nuptials and what the hell it all means in this day and age.” Genuinely thrilled?

I know you will be shocked to discover that the movie was “written by actors and dear friends Sarah McCarron and Yuval Boim (who, incidentally, are both gay).” Incidentally… In fact, that’s why they are making the film. “We’re making this because we’re both gay and we wanted to tell a story about marriage, which up until now has been a heterosexual institution. But we wanted to tell it from the queer perspective,” explained Yuval.

You certainly get that much. The article goes into detail about pegging, which you’ll recall I described in a column last year. Here’s the lovely definition: “a woman performing anal sex on a man by penetrating him a strap-on dildo.” Now to a caption in this article: “Sometimes love is pegging.”

Nope. But, your mileage may vary.

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